One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigens with all of his friends. And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they love him anyway and they never leave him behind or ask him to change.
I'm coming out of the 'mental health closet' for my daughter
By Bryony Gordon 12:40 PM Friday May 15, 2015 It is Mental Health Awareness Week, so in that spirit I thought I would share with you all the ways in which my own mental health has failed me over the years. When I was pregnant with my daughter almost three years ago, I became so depressed that I had to be put on a "watch" list by the hospital, which meant monthly check-ins with the maternal mental health unit and a visit from the friendly psychiatrist when my baby was less than a day old. I once collapsed on the pavement during my lunch break from work, hysterical and crying, having what I now know was a panic attack. A passing colleague had to pick me up and take me back to the office. And speaking of the office, I've cried a lot there - and in parks, and taxis, and on random street corners, though on those days I felt I was doing well in that I had at least managed to get out of the house. Because I once lay in bed for an entire week without washing, or really eating, convinced that the ceiling was coming down and the walls were coming in. Another time, I called my husband 87 times (I know because, helpfully, my iPhone tells me this kind of information). He was late home, and I was petrified he had died in some sort of horrific car crash. I cried so hard I thought my throat might burst. (As it turned out, he was stuck in a tunnel on the Tube.) According to Mind, the mental health charity, a quarter of us suffer from mental health issues each year - everything from anxiety to depression to eating disorders and phobias (my own mental health issues are caused by obsessive compulsive disorder, more of which later). Yet the shame and fear that surrounds these issues means many of us struggle to admit what we are going through and ask for the help we need. Despite mental health making up 23 per cent of what the NHS terms the "burden of disease", it receives only 13 per cent of the budget. Fine, you might think - better to funnel money into tackling, say, cancer and diabetes. But mental health problems are said to cost the economy pounds 105.2 billion a year. The stigma that surrounds anxiety and depression is damaging not just to people's minds but also to their bodies. To me, increasing mental health budgets is a no-brainer. Happy people make healthy people. When you are depressed and anxious, you make bad choices. During my twenties, I was stuck in self-destruct mode; the only way I could "calm" my mind was by self-medicating through excessive amounts of alcohol and food. Of course, this just made it worse. But stuck in the depths of misery and insecurity, you just want the pain to go away. I was just 12 years old when I first realised I was perhaps a bit mad. I became terrified to leave the house, scared of the germs I might encounter. I had heard about the "silent epidemic" of Aids and in my prepubescent mind I assumed it was everywhere. I couldn't go near anything red - not even a postbox - in case it happened to be blood. I washed my hands 100 times a day until they were - ironically - bleeding. I was convinced I was dying. I had never been so scared in my life. But I would be this scared again: again and again and again and again. Yet the cause of my anxiety wouldn't have a name until I was 17, when my mother marched me to the GP after another attack left me unable to leave the house for days. I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and left the surgery with anti-depressants (I've tried them all, from Prozac to Citalopram to Sertraline). But even after the diagnosis, I was always too embarrassed, too daunted by the scale of the problem, to seek long-term help. So whenever it returned - and return it did, every couple of years - I would make up a physical illness to tell my employers, and cower at home in misery under my duvet. How could I admit that unless I said certain phrases, I thought my family might die? The flu just seemed so much easier to explain. It is only now, as I nudge 35, that I have managed to be completely honest about my illness and get proper treatment for it. Maybe it's the support of a loving husband who has never minded my little "idiosyncrasies", as he calls them. Maybe it's just age and maturity and the fact that I care less about what people think of me. Whatever the case, it seems faintly ludicrous that it has taken me more than 20 years to get help. As well as "normal" OCD - where I wash my hands and check the oven and sometimes take the iron to work just so I can be sure it is switched off - I have a type of OCD called Pure O. This is an incredibly common but rarely talked about form of the illness that makes people obsess over intrusive thoughts about blasphemy, abuse, sex and even murder. While most people have occasional weird thoughts but let them go, a person with Pure O feels such discomfort that they obsess about them until they become convinced they must be a potential serial killer or stalker or paedophile. It's a horrid, shameful illness that I managed to keep hidden from friends, family and, to a certain extent, even my husband, until Christmas last year, when out of the blue it came for me harder than it ever had before. Shortly after my daughter Edie was born, I felt the OCD actually eke away, perhaps because I had more pressing things to worry about. But just before she turned two, it came back with a vengeance and, once more, I spent an entire Christmas locked in my own head, convinced that I had hurt her in the night, before blanking it out. The thoughts were darker and more disturbing than they had ever been because, as ever, they preyed on what I held most dear to me: this time, my darling daughter. "Enough is enough," I finally snapped to my husband. "I don't want to do this any more. I don't want to feel like this." So I called the Maternal OCD helpline, where a woman told me this was normal, and I wept and wept and wept in gratitude to her. I realised then that it really was time for me to try to draw attention to the fact that mental health issues are normal. So I spoke to my boss and my colleagues - they needed to know why I was always bursting into tears at my desk, and they couldn't have been more understanding. I publicly "came out" about what I was going through in the column I write. And before I knew it, I was inundated with others sharing their stories - most poignantly, the woman in her seventies who had never known what it was she suffered from until she read my piece. Reading email after email, I learnt that so many other people were also gripped by the fear of being "found out". Knowing others had experienced what I had gave me the strength to get proper help: through everyone's advice, I started cognitive behavioural therapy, cut out alcohol and began eating more healthily. I know I will never be rid of my OCD, but at least I can try to control it. This is why we need to be more open about mental health: because depression is, by its very nature, an inward-looking thing, talking to other people, opening up about what you are going through can only be helpful. I don't want my daughter to be embarrassed and ashamed if she suffers from anxiety or depression. I think the time has come to stop being afraid. The time has come to make a song and dance about mental health issues. Because, really, what better way is there to deal with it? Five tips for dealing with your anxiety: 1: Try to do something each day: get out of the house, see someone, keep busy. Try to keep as many parts of your normal life going as you can. 2: Accept yourself: this is who you are; you may never become someone who's not anxious about anything, but if you receive the right help you can live as normal a life as possible and still achieve your goals. The key is learning to manage your condition and not letting it overwhelm you. 3: If you're a parent, try to avoid displaying your anxiety in front of your children too much, as there's a risk of them picking up cues from you that you see the world as an unsafe place. Let your children take up small challenges and don't try to limit the stresses they may suffer: they should be encouraged to have a go at things. This will help you too, as an anxious parent, because it will force you to confront whatever it is you're anxious about. 4: Take on challenges you find anxiety-provoking. Don't avoid them. They will get easier the more you do them. 5: Get in touch with someone who can offer you psychological treatment to help you reformulate how you see yourself and the world. There are self-help books out there, but it's quite a difficult thing to do on your own and professional support can help to change your mindset. We all experience anxiety to one degree or another, but when it inhibits us from living our normal daily lives, that's when it becomes a problem that warrants attention in terms of treatment. Coming out of the "mental health closet" is important because it can empower you to do something about it and receive medical help. It also means you can access more social support among your peer group and work colleagues. There's still a stigma attached to mental health in this country, but it's slowly being broken down, and the more people talk about it the easier it gets. - Daily Telegraph UK By Bryony Gordon I have two central Auckland locations I work from
Grey Lynn 28 Elgin Street Grey Lynn Fiona Hardy 021 294 0346 or 09 620 2121 www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz I have two Central Auckland locations I work from
Remuera Community of St Luke 130 Remuera Road Remuera Fiona Hardy 021 294 0346 or 09 620 2121 www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz Depression – What Can Cause it?
Depression is a difficult concept for most of us to understand, however it is more common than most people realise. Did you know that 1 in 6 New Zealanders are likely to experience major depressive mood at some stage in their lives. This means that you are likely to know someone close to you who will experience Depression at some time. Feelings of sadness or low mood are common and are normal responses when you are upset or experience stress, such as a relationship breakdown, the death of someone you know or losing a pet etc. These feelings of sadness or low mood will usually diminish over time and they don’t normally stop you from enjoying day to day life. When these feelings of sadness remain and feel permanent – this may be Depression. Some people describe this feeling as being ‘stuck’ and they feel unable to change. Possible Symptoms of Depression
There a lot of things that can cause Depression including:-
Talking to a Therapist Can Help - Talking therapy is particularly helpful in finding ways to understanding and combat feelings of depressed mood. This means you will find ways of identifying and talking about how you feel and then finding different ways to approach these feelings either in practical ways or altering your way of thinking or viewing the situation. You may also need to see your doctor so they can monitor your wellbeing. Please phone me to see how I may be able to help you overcome depressed mood - 021 294 0346 or 620 2121 www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz If you are in crisis – please call someone immediately. The Crisis Assessment Team (Auckland) can be reached on 0800 800 717 in emergencies. Depression – What Can Cause it?
Depression is a difficult concept for most of us to understand, however it is more common than most people realise. Did you know that report suggest that 1 in 6 New Zealanders are likely to experience major depressive mood at some stage in their lives? This means that you are likely to know someone close to you who will experience Depression at some time. Feelings of sadness or low mood are common and are normal responses when you are upset or experience stress, such as a relationship breakdown, the death of someone you know or losing a pet etc. These feelings of sadness or low mood will usually diminish over time and they don’t normally stop you from enjoying day to day life. When these feelings of sadness remain and feel permanent – this may be Depression. Some people describe this feeling as being ‘stuck’ and they feel unable to change. Possible Symptoms of Depression
There a lot of things that can cause Depression including:-
Talk therapy or counselling has shown to be an effective tool in overcoming depressive mood. I understand how you feel and am able to help you develop skills and tools in managing depressed mood. Please give me a call to see how we can work together in creating a brighter and happier future. WHAT IS FAMILY THERAPY?
Family Therapy provides an opportunity for each person to have a voice with the hope of creating a greater sense of understanding. It focuses on interpersonal or intimate relationships within groups or families while helping to identify relationships and/or individual problems which may be caused or exist within the family unit. How Can I Help You through Family Therapy? · I can help you understand and make sense of those patterns of behaviour specific to your family/group and where they have come from. · My role is to assist you in creating alternative behaviours in order to facilitate a positive shift in individual and family ways of being. · I remain neutral within the counselling process by not taking sides or placing blame on individuals and endeavour to facilitate positive conversations through tools that will allow for a better appreciation and understanding of each other’s experience. · I can assist in identifying conflicts and anxieties and help you develop strategies to resolve these in a positive and respectful manner. Family Therapy Can Be Particularly Helpful When Working With:-
A Family Therapist sometimes will also see children and adults individually and/or within the family member group. These groups may differ according to culture and individual interpretation of family/groups. If you wish to discuss Family Therapy or make an appointment - please phone me on 021 294 0346 or 09 620 2121. You can also email me via my website www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz SEXUAL ISSUES
I am sure many of you have heard about Sexual Therapy and wondered what it means. It is a broad topic which covers many areas relating to sex, identity and intimacy. When a Therapist states they do sexual therapy it would suggest to me that they are skilled, trained and comfortable in relating to clients within this context. Sex is a major part of our adult lives and can become extremely complicated. Some of the many issues that arise for individuals and couples include:
I am professional and provide a relaxed and comfortable environment to topics and can talk through the ‘hard stuff’ so that you can focus on the ‘good stuff’ in your lives. Please give me a call – my job is to make this easy for you! Fiona Hardy 021 294 0346 or 09 620 2121 www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz Couples Counselling
Counselling for couples is a great way to get your relationship back on track. It can be easy to forget to invest in the ‘relationship’ when you are busy dealing with children, work, finances, friends and family. You may be dealing with other issues such as illness, grief, stress or depression. Sometimes it feels as though there is no hope and it cannot be fixed. This is not always the case. Many couples feel invigorated after counselling – stating they feel heard, didn’t realise their partner had such strong feelings about them etc. It can be you have forgotten how to communicate, or what was it that attracted the two of you together. Counselling can help you establish fun, intimacy, and create new hopes and dreams. Give me a call to discuss what it is you are looking for. Fiona Hardy 021 294 0346 or 09 620 2121 www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz 23 November 2014 Are you co-parenting, an ex husband/wife or partner,and trying to work out a fair
Parenting Agreement? Separation is hard at the best of times. But it can be a lot harder when there are children involved. Reaching a fair Parenting Agreement can be one of the most difficult things to achieve after separation as you are dealing with the lives, routines and the futures of your family and yourselves. It can be an emotionally and financially challenging time for all parents. I have experience in helping parents come to a healthy Agreement around co-parenting their children in a respectful manner. A Counsellor is there to help families achieve successful Parenting Agreements. Counsellors will work with couples to talk through the hard stuff – which is usually emotional and can sometimes be fuelled by hurt and disappointment as issues relating to the relationship breakdown are sometimes still raw. When working out a Parenting Agreement, it sometimes helps for couples to meet with a Counsellor individually in the first instance in order to establish what each parent’s specific needs are. Following the initial meeting, the next step is to present the two sometimes differing needs to both parents and to then find a respectful way to blend them together so that each parent has a fair and reasonable input into future parenting and decision making choices for their children. Ultimately, the Parenting Agreement needs to be designed with the best intentions for the children first and foremost. If you are currently going through a separation and are trying to create a workable Parenting Agreement with your former partner, you will find that I am a calming person to talk with. I take to the approach of being unbiased and will listen to what your requirements are. My aim is to facilitate these conversations and agreements in a relaxed counselling environment that provides a positive result for ALL members of the family. Give me a call or text me on 021 294 0346 Fiona Hardy Counsellor/Family Therapist www.fionahardycounselling.co.nz Depression is a difficult concept for most of us to understand, however it is more common than most people realise.
Did you know that 1 in 6 New Zealanders are likely to experience major depressive mood at some stage in their lives? This means that you are likely to know someone close to you who will experience Depression at some time. Feelings of sadness or low mood are common and are normal responses when you are upset or experience stress as a result of but not limited to: • A relationship breakdown • The death of someone you know • or losing a pet etc. These feelings of sadness or low mood will usually diminish over time and they don’t normally stop you from enjoying day to day life. When these feelings of sadness remain and feel permanent – this may be Depression. Some people describe this feeling as being ‘stuck’ and they feel they are unable to change. Possible Symptoms of Depression • Feeling tired most of the time, no energy and/or feeling irritable. • Sleep – over sleeping or not being able to sleep much at all • Difficulty with concentration • Reduced sex drive • Low self esteem • Changes in weight – over eating or not eating much at all • Thinking about harming yourself or death • Feeling empty inside or lonely • Not taking pleasure from things you used to enjoy • Anxiety – worrying about things more than normal, feeling panicky, pounding heart, pain, or an uneasy feeling in your tummy. What Can Cause Depression There a lot of things that can cause Depression including:- • Family history – Is the depressive gene in your family? • Suffering from a significant traumatic event – stress, bullying, during or post pregnancy, an accident or suffering from a long term illness • Lifestyle – Are you a heavy or regular drinker of alcohol? Do you use recreational drugs including Marijuana or party pills? A good diet, feeling socially connected and getting regular sleep are all important in maintaining good mental health. Talking to a Therapist Can Help! Talking therapy is particularly helpful in finding ways to understand and combat feelings of a depressed mood. This means that you will find ways of identifying and talking about how you feel and then finding different ways to approach these feelings either in a practical way or by altering your way of thinking and viewing the situation. You may also need to see your doctor so they can also monitor your wellbeing. If you are in crisis – please call someone immediately. The Crisis Assessment Team (Auckland) can be reached on 0800 800 717 in emergencies. Sexuality is a natural part of adult life and yet it can cause so much confusion, frustration and angst.. Talking about sex with your partner can be an uncomfortable experience and a difficult conversation to start. However good communication along with trust is the key to improved intimacy and sexual fulfillment.
Do you feel your daily communication is more focused on mundane issues? Perhaps you are looking for that ‘spark’ again? Talking to an experienced Therapist can help energise your life and confidence in yourself. Most people don’t come to therapy expecting to talk about sex. It may come up naturally in the course of therapy or your therapist may invite you to discuss. Some of the more common issues that can arise during therapeutic conversations include:-
Your therapist will be confident in discussing these topics and will put you at ease whilst talking through these sensitive issues. Talking is all that is needed – there are no other requirements. What is Family Therapy?
Family Therapy provides an opportunity for each person to have a voice with the hope of creating a greater sense of understanding. It focuses on interpersonal or intimate relationships within groups or families while helping to identify relationships and/or individual problems which may be caused or exist within the family. How Can Family Therapy Assist You? I can help you understand and make sense of those patterns of behaviour specific to your family/group and where they have come from. My role is to assist you in creating alternative behaviours in order to facilitate a positive shift in individual and family ways of being. I will remain neutral within the counselling process by not taking sides or placing blame on individuals and will endeavour to facilitate positive conversations through providing tools that will allow for a better appreciation and understanding of each other’s experience. I can assist in identifying conflicts and anxieties and help you develop strategies to resolve these in a positive and respectful manner. Family Therapy Can Be Particularly Helpful When Working With:-
Do Family Therapists only work with Families? A Family Therapist sometimes will also see children and adults individually and/or within the family member group. These groups may differ according to culture and individual interpretation of family/groups. If you wish to discuss Family Therapy or make an appointment please phone or text Fiona Hardy 021 294 0346 I can help you with pregnancy related issues including:
Birth trauma Miscarriage Still Birth Abortion Post Abortion Loss and Decision Making around Wanted or Unwanted Pregnancy Coping with Premature birth and other Pregnancy and Birth Complications are areas of expertise and interest. I have years of experience working with women during their pregnancies both in a hospital setting and in my private practice. I understand the emotional care and challenges that arise during decision making and offer unbiased and confidential counselling. Please feel free to contact me if you wish to discuss further. Fiona Hardy 021 294 0346 or 09 620 2121 |
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